I stopped using my phone around my child
DISCLAIMER: When this post was written, my daughter was taking 5 hours of naps per day, and I was only working part time. Since then, her naps have shortened and I’ve started working full-time. So, unfortunately, I use my phone around her now. However, these are all still things I try to put into place, and for someone who doesn’t work a digital job full-time, this would be much easier to put into place!
I heard someone say recently that our phones have become Swiss army knives. Meaning that not only is my phone a phone, but it’s also a calculator, a calendar, the main way I communicate with my family and friends, a cookbook, a music-player, camera, and especially for me - my job.
I make a full-time income from social media, which means that I am even more likely to be on my phone than your average mom, and that’s a bit alarming when you realize that the average screen time of an American is almost 7 hours a day.
While scrolling social media lately, as one does, I came across some studies talking about how it’s more harmful for children to have their parents on screens than it is for the children themselves to be on screens. We already know it’s bad for children to be on screens as much as they are - but parental phone addiction is also negatively affecting children, causing more anger issues, anxiety, and attachment issues.
I’d already been feeling guilty about having my phone in front of my face so much around my daughter, and this took the cake. I sat down with my husband and explained the research I’d read and how I was feeling, and we decided to make some changes.
Raising ‘90s kids
The internet has been all abuzz lately in the parenting space about raising ‘90s kids. It seems that young millennials and my generation (GenZ) are looking to the past when it comes to child rearing. We want our kids to have fewer screens, more outside time, more intentionality. We see how harmful it is to be a screen zombie. If you search “raising ‘90s kids” on TikTok, you will see video after video about how moms are putting this into practice.
And I love it.
I was born in 2001, so, close enough. There are several things to incorporate into our lives to do this practically, but today I want to talk about the elimination of screens and how practically I’ve managed to stop using my phone so much.
Separate devices
To start, I think we need to think about how we can make our phones less of a Swiss army knife. We need actual clocks. I ditched Spotify and got a CD player. I still use Google Calendar because it’s the easiest way for my husband and I to share a calendar, but I try to use my paper planner more often. Buy an actual calculator, print recipes off instead of using your phone, or buy/borrow cookbooks. I used the Kindle app on my phone a lot and I’ve started reading real books I borrow from the library instead (but also using my Kindle app while my baby sleeps because my library doesn’t have everything).
I actually ordered a landline phone that bluetooth connects to my smartphone and it will hang in my kitchen.
For texting, I message with my mom quite a bit, so I started using the messaging app on my laptop. Yes I’m still on a screen. But it’s a screen that stays in one place and rarely moves around, and it’s actually a lot harder to fall into the Instagram trap when you’re on your computer.
Setting phone hours
The first week I decided to work on this, I was super strict. I limited my phone usage to JUST when my baby was sleeping. She still takes really good naps so this was actually not too hard. She usually sleeps for 2 hours in the morning and 2 in the afternoon. And my husband puts her to bed, so I get a little bit in the evening as well. Yes, I am well aware this is luxury and will change eventually. I AM SOAKING IT IN.
Since that first week, I have laxed off a tiny bit but I am still trying to keep this schedule! Because my job is on my phone, this also sets pretty clear work boundaries for me which has also been helpful. (Fortunately for my VA, she’s had more work as a result - less fortunate for my bank account haha.)
I understand that not all of you have a baby that sleeps for 4 hours a day. I want you to think about how you could implement the idea of phone hours though! Or maybe a phone location. If not during a nap, maybe during Outside Time? Or Quiet Time? Or when your kid gets to watch an episode of a show (yes I understand it is antithetical to talk about your kid watching a show in an article about less screen time - but for many families one 30 minute episode IS less screen time!). Bedtime is also an optimal time, but don’t let your phone time eat into your spouse time. <3
As my daughter grows up I know she will take fewer naps and we will need to rethink this, rearrange things, and perhaps, I will just have to work while she is awake and in the same room. But I do think it’s important to have clear boundaries when it comes to phone usage!
Phone location
Another thing that helped was putting my phone away in a location where I don’t go very much. I kept my phone in the top drawer of my bedroom dresser for a while and that was very convenient except for when I needed to take a picture of my child. But also cameras exist. Out of sight, out of mind really does work and if I don’t see my phone I don’t feel an urge to check it! So definitely think about where you want to keep your phone - my friend Grace from thatjoyfilledhome on Instagram has a pocket from a pair of jeans framed on the wall where she keeps her phone! So creative!
Benefits I’ve noticed
It’s been about a month now since I started limiting phone usage, and I’ve definitely noticed some benefits.
When I use my phone, my daughter is often very interested in it and wants to see what I’m doing. Without my phone in hand, she is much more apt to play independently. Interactions with her are better quality, and as a family we spend time together in the evening talking or reading instead of scrolling our phones.
I have better work-life boundaries and have been able to be super creative and come up with content ideas because I’m not as burned-out!
I live in the present more and notice things around me. It’s amazing what being in the world can do for you when you aren’t stuck in a little pocket-box!
I feel calmer, less overwhelmed, and less overstimulated. With fewer inputs, my brain feels more at peace!
I can focus on tasks longer - for example, right now my daughter is napping so I can be on my phone but I’ve actually been sitting down and writing this article for the past 40 minutes WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING AT MY PHONE! This is wild for my ADHD brain. Similarly, I found myself cooking the other evening without any additional input and it was so relaxing.
I seek dopamine less. Being ADHD, I get addicted to dopamine very easily and social media is a major culprit. With less screen time and clear boundaries, I haven’t been dopamine-seeking as much.
Lastly, I am confident that my daughter is getting quality time with us without our attention being divided, I have no guilt about my screen time, and our journey to giving her a ‘90s childhood is well underway. :)
So, what do you think? Are you going to join me?
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